Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Trees Fart - It's Official

Yes, it's true. German scientists were conducting experiments to see exactly what gases were emitted by trees. It is well documented that they ingest carbon dioxide and so it has always been thought of as a way of slowing down the greenhouse effect to plant more and more trees. But it seems that one of the gases given off by trees is methane! So all these extra trees we're planting to save the planet could be hastening its downfall into greenhouse hell.
Now, as many people know you can burn methane in an internal combustion engine. In fact during the war some enterprising people collected farm manure and stored its gaseous emissions in large canvas bags strapped to the tops of their cars. The mainly methane emissions from the manure burned reasonably efficiently in their cars - thus saving vital fuel for the war effort but at the same time creating more CO2 to destroy the ozone layer. We were already on a loser to nothing.
So - methane comes from manure.
Thus, it is also predominantly present in farts.
Trees also give off methane.
So ipso facto TREES FART.
I rest my case.

1 comment:

Trebor Nevals said...

Q.E.D.

In the U.S. we're contracting with the makers of Beano for a massive anti-flatulence campaign in all our national forests. It'll be sweet. The flatulating forests finally fall silent...