It's All a Filthy Plot

Here we are in 2006. Fireworks all over the place at midnight. Noisy buggers - they're determined to pollute the atmosphere and nobody's allowed to sleep while we're celebrating. No resolutions made because I know I won't keep them. No headache - surprising considering how much the wine flowed last night. Spent a lazy morning watching Bill Bailey concert on DVD - very funny, very droll, very dry. He makes you laugh at yourself because he's not afraid of laughing at himself.
In the afternoon Ros and I decided to go for a gentle country stroll. It was drizzling and it wasn't too warm but the "fresh air will do us good" - she says. We were ambling down the road with soggy fields either side. We could see a patch of blue sky in the distance and a small part of a rainbow appeared on the horizon looking like a ghostly watery monolith. Pied wagtails and gulls skipped around the mud in the fields, presumably looking for an easy meal of a worm or something. Blackbirds and great tits were in the trees and hedgerows. All was peace and calm. A variety of farm animals were in the fields - cows, sheep, horses. It suddenly struck us that whichever field you looked in there was always a percentage of the animals staring directly at you. Strange . . . No, more than strange - downright eerie. The blinding truth hit us. It was obvious. It was part of a filthy plot by the guv'mint to keep us under surveillance. They'll go to any lengths to keep us under control. 1984 has nothing on this insidious plot to keep us all in our place. The staring cows and sheep were nothing but animatronic robots with high definition cameras instead of eyes. You can almost hear the strong West Country accents in the UHF radio traffic going on around you: "Daisy to Ermintrude. They're comin' down towards Long Field. Keep yer cameras at the ready and alert Shaun the Sheep in the meadow next to the barn."
Creepy or what?