Further Yankee Invasions

They've done it again! Bloody Yanks!
While watching a nature programme on BBC I discovered another invasion by our North American "friends and allies". This time it is a further incursion of seemingly-harmless little creatures which end up wreaking havoc and threatening the very existence of native species. The offending species this time is Pacifastucus leniusculus to grace it with a Latin name, otherwise known as the signal crayfish. This animal lives in freshwater streams, under rocks, eating small fish. For some reason unknown to me fish farmers introduced them in the 1970s (why do these people do this without looking at all the possible consequences - money must rear its ugly head). The signal crayfish is an aggressive (it figures - it's from America) brute twice the size of our native white-clawed crayfish Austropotamobius pallipes. They eat the same food as the native crayfish and thus, being bigger, literally eat their way to ascendancy. But there's more - signals carry a fungal disease known as crayfish plague to which they are immune. Unfortunately the smaller, weaker white-claws are susceptible to this disease so they are hit on two fronts. The threat to the native species is so real that laws have been passed in this country prohibiting the introduction of these animals into any waterway in Britain. You aren't even allowed to keep them in captivity, even for research, without a licence the granting of which means strict regulations about where you keep them. But all these regulations are too little too late. In the wild these animals thrive and thus the white-claw, it seems, is doomed to extinction in many streams in the UK. Like the squirrels I mentioned in earlier blogs, the invasion is due to man's stupidity in introducing them. We have the same trouble with wild mink decimating other species. Again man's greed was the main cause.
Another American import is threatening native species globally. This time, though, it is something which previously invaded America from Europe. It then got hideously distorted beyond all recognition and re-exported to the whole of the world, where it is killing off the native species. This is universal genocide. I refer of course to the humble hamburger. Mr McDonald got hold of this innocent snack and sold it to the idiot citizens of his country. They bought it and consumed it because that is the American way - consume, consume, consume. When others started copying his idea Mr McDonald started dressing up his burgers with chemical additives and pretty-coloured dressings and so the Big Mac was born. (I feel appalled that such a vile, evil thing should have a name similar to mine!) This concoction was then exported across the world to anywhere the locals could be convinced to consume, consume, consume. The strange thing is that McDonalds have the nerve to call their establishments restaurants! To most civilised people a restaurant is a place where you can eat real food with real cutlery from a real plate not an expanded polystyrene box (that's Styrofoam, or something similar to you Yanks) and the person who serves it to you at your table (instead of standing behind a counter) does not command you to "enjoy your meal" but hopes you will enjoy it and says nothing unless you comment yourself. If standing in a queue for 20 minutes waiting to have this plastic thrown across the counter at you is described as "fast food" then I am glad that part of the true restaurant experience is a leisurely half-hour wait while sitting at your carefully-laid and spotless table with an aperitif or fruit juice and a good conversation with your fellow diners. It is all part of the ritual of a good meal in a real restaurant. When was the last time anybody in the world tipped any of the under-paid, pasty-faced, spotty, baseball-capped morons behind the counter in McDonalds because they gave good service?
I have to admit that both of my offspring have worked in McDonalds. One lasted a few weeks, the other - feeling the need for self-finance because of the love of various girlfriends - stood it for four years (they give you a long-service award at three years). The latter's view was that it was income and he needed the money. He delights in recalling the fact that his particular branch did not deal with credit or debit cards. When offered such a card in payment he would politely say to the customer: "Sorry mate, we don't accept plastic - we just serve it!"